No internet

A few mornings ago I awoke to a terrifying situation – no wifi!

What I hear you cry, a mid twenties, advertising-ish yuppie (or yuccie) in central London. I know, this is apocalyptic.

I’d been awake all of 10 minutes and fallen into a state of panic probably 18 times. The only saving grace was that the kettle is not linked up to the internet so I was still able to make some coffee.

I then sat down to read, but oh no. iPad, phone nor laptop would connect despite the little wifi symbol showing full. I curse, I open settings, I curse again then just start prodding the screen as if this would help. Then I realize TalkTalk had disconnected us in preparation for our flat move first thing in the morning opposed to last thing at night –  f*#^!?@s.

My mind goes in to overdrive, I’m not going to have wifi for 1 maybe 3 whole days. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.

I mean, how do I read, watch Netflix, make a reservation for dinner, do my last bits of Christmas shopping, book my train tickets, keep on top of Instagram and the numerous festive Facebook message groups going on?

Panicking, I figured some exercise would do me good. So before jumping on my bike down to the pool I checked the weather – oh no, I couldn’t do that either. When was the last time I opened the window and stuck my arm out to test the temperature, or for that matter just opened the curtains?

My mind started to wander. What other tasks am I going to have to revert to primitive, non-internet based methods for? Shopping. TV. Recipes (okay, I’m a Londoner – ordering). Talking to people. Reading. Fact checking…

I started to think this could be quite fun as I try to work out the last time I went without internet for more than 20 minutes. Even this time last month, in the middle of an Indonesian forest I had internet access. Three Feel at Home realizes the importance of being able to post a selfie whilst stood on top of a live volcano.

It’s then that I glanced down at my iPhone as it pinged with a Whatsap message – of course 4G!

I immediately picked up the phone to check the connection was real.

It was and in a split second my potential excitement gave way to relief.

In joy, I fired of a couple of Whatsaps, iMessages, checked email, instagram, Facebook, Twitter then the weather before jumping on my bike happy in the knowledge that I could return to normal life.

It’s during my swim (which has the same creative and reflective power as showering for me) I contemplated the ridiculousness of my panic. Flat move aside, I’m a Londoner. The likelihood of me having spent more than half an hour in the place at anyone time was next to zero, every coffee shop, delicatescence, restaurant and bar on my doorstep has wifi, as do the homes of my friends and family. And for for every step (or Uber journey) in-between there’s 4G.

I stick my head back under the water as I admit the scale of this #firstworldproblem!

The similarities of Advertising & Banking

They both speak of the hey days, casting back to the boom or the Mad Men days. The days of long knuckling lows & debaurcherous highs.

Trading floors & creative departments all have that someone still acting like it’s the 60s, determined not to let the good old days disappear completely. They’re still absent from 12 on Fridays, are known at all the best local eateries, dress somewhat eccentrically & of course have a bottle of Scotch in their bottom draw.

Both industries are still slated for their lavish ways & the targets of both media & public outrage. Bankers are to blame for every financial problem that exists in the country, from small businesses only lasting a month to the child not getting enough pocket money. Advertising is to blame for consumerism & childhood obesity. The industry is the sole cause of women blowing six months salary on a handbag & making children eat candy. Sadly this means both industries are heavily regulated, to the point of unsettling the the creative foundations they are built upon.

Creatives & traders alike are shown to be more extroverted, narcissistic & even psychopathic than the average man on the street (& yes they are much more likely to be men). That’s not to say the industries are full of axe wielding serial killers (though if we consult the stats, there must be some amongst us) but the personality profile of these industries are certainly distinct.

Both industries are heavily driven by emotion. Sorry bankers but it’s proven, read The Hour between the Dog and the Wolf. Both industries rely upon a lot of data, spend significant time analysing, modelling, documenting, looking at the past, predicting the future, justifying & building the case for why this is a good idea and ultimately why our clients should do something. In both cases, the client saying “yes” results in a significant ego boost as well as financial gain. We both work with ideas which are merely that; opinions, ideas & concepts, reliant on someone else saying “yes” (or tweaking to within an inch of recognizability) before they become reality. These ideas & our passions for them being the right thing to do are driven by emotion, no matter how much we say we go only by the data, the models, the facts – it’s proven – we all trade & create  emotivly.

As one should expect from  such alpha male industries, both have claimed their territories. Advertising has Madison Avenue. Banking has Wall Street. In London, Soho & The City, plus true to ‘needing to go one bigger’ form, the purpose built Canary Wharf.

Style is of course vital. In the early days, bankers & ad men could be identified by well fitting, albeit differently styled, suits. The latters alternated with tweed. Nowadays, bankers have retained the well fitting suits (to the joy of many a female) but may wear ties loosened or left in the draw for client meetings. Admen have drifted slightly more, swapping smart & tweed for the brown shoe, blue shirt, dark jean uniform alternated with, well anything. Purple blazers, red pants, even shorts & flip-flops are common features of creative departments. The styles themselves may have changed from the early days but their identifiability has not.

No alpha male territory would be complete without it’s attractive females & neither industry disappoints. The women of both disproportionately more attractive than the population at large.

Adland has Mad Men. Banking has Wolf of Wall Street.

Not only are both the subjects of some of the most popular TV & movies of recent times, but the nostalgic exaggeration of their respective heyday’s stereotype are not dissimilar. Neither are the character’s traits or life styles: Don Draper, Jordan Belfort.

At dinner parties these references are frequently called upon (aloud or in peoples heads) in response to the wonderful question “so what do you do?”, leaving the respondent with little alternative but to smile & nod politely. Yes, our lives are just like Don & Jordans. Yes we all make millions by drinking scotch & offending people.

I could go on but I’ve probably offended both industries sufficiently. The only thing I can’t decide is which industry is going to be more repulsed by this notion of similarity than the other.